


I'm Sorry Lena

by LavenderMandarin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Heavy Angst, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Suicide, Useless Bisexual Kara Danvers, Useless Lesbian Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24413086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderMandarin/pseuds/LavenderMandarin
Summary: Kara is depressed after revealing her identity to Lena and she can't deal with everything anymore. She creates her own way out. Lena finds out and spirals and follows in Kara's footsteps. Just angst all the way through.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 28
Kudos: 181





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be warned, this doesn't have a happy ending and it's just pure angst. Sorry in advance.

Kara had never felt pain like this. As she flew through the dark skies of the city, wind whipping in her face, she felt like her heart was being squeezed every time she thought of Lena. She couldn’t deal with this type of pain, and tonight she was finally going to be free of that pain.

The idea had weighed on her mind for the past few weeks as she debated whether or not to follow through. It was hard making the final choice but she was too tired and too emotionally drained to deal with being a superhero.

Before, she had Lena to balance it out. Lena was the only person she could be just Kara with, except that was built on a lie and now Kara knew just how much Lena hated her for that.

So she made her final decision and flew off, but not before leaving a note on Lena’s balcony, pinned down by a single kryptonite-laced bullet.

_Dear Lena,_   
_Hi, this is Kara. Not the Kara Danvers you know, not the Supergirl you know. This is the real Kara, Kara Zor-El and I’m here to say that I’m sorry._   
_I know I’ll never be able to properly explain why I decided to do this but I needed you to know I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being selfish enough to finally end my own pain and misery. I’m sorry for not telling you any sooner. I’m sorry for every time I’ve ever wronged you, but you should know that I had a good reason behind every one of those actions._   
_I’m in too much pain, more pain than you could ever imagine, Lena. I love you. I can’t deal with you rejecting my mere presence with a cold look in my direction. I can’t handle all the responsibilities of being Supergirl without Kara Danvers to balance it out. Since I don’t have you, Kara’s gone now, too._   
_I’m also sorry about not telling you sooner. The only reason for that was that I wanted to protect you, Lena. I knew that if I had told you about my secret identity, my enemies would start targeting you, would start threatening you. The only reason that I didn’t tell you I was Supergirl was that I wanted you to stay safe._   
_I’m sorry you couldn’t see that and I’m sorry for leaving you behind._   
_But, I know you. I know you’ll come out of the ashes even stronger than before because you’re Lena Luthor! You’re an inspiration for everyone. You’ve always been the good guy, even if no one else saw it._   
_I’m sorry I left you behind with nothing more than a note._   
_I’m even more sorry that you didn’t love me back._   
_I’m most sorry that we’ll never again meet in this life._   
_I’m sorry Lena._   
_With Love,_   
_Kara Zor-El_

* * *

As soon as Lena woke up she knew something was wrong.

Her phone was blowing up with the messages her secretary, Jess, was sending her and she quickly departed from her apartment without eating breakfast or even getting a coffee to hurry to L-Corp.

The building being taped off was another red flag but she was let through and so she didn’t suspect it had anything to do with her. Paparazzi kept trying to catch pictures of her so she sped up her pace and quickly made her way inside and up to her office. 

As soon as she reached her office, she was suspicious. There was something terribly wrong and she could sense the tension in the room. Investigators and cops were all standing outside her office and she quickly made her way in. What she spotted made her even more confused.

Alex was sat on the balcony outside, crying while soothed by Maggie. The rest of the team was there as well, bearing solemn and mournful expressions.

Lena quickly deposited her bag on her desk haphazardly and made her way onto the balcony, her clicking heels announcing her arrival.

“What’s wrong?”

Everyone looked up and parted to reveal a fluttering piece of paper pinned by a heavy object. As Lena got closer, she noticed with a sinking heart that the object was in fact a bullet.

Her heart froze in her chest as she processed all the red flags and clues she’d seen on her way up and she almost collapsed, walking the final few steps and reaching for the note.

Everything was quiet as she picked it up and the bullet. She firstly examined the bullet closer and realized that it was a bullet laced with kryptonite. As soon as she realized this, she felt devastated, crumpling to her knees and staring at the bullet in shock. Her fingers shook so much that she dropped it, the bullet clattering to the ground heavily.

With trembling fingers, she picked the note up, her grasp on the fluttering sheet of white loose and shaky. When she scanned over the note and read everything, she began to truly sob. Kara was gone.

She found herself back inside her office, standing with the rest of the group and heard the TV switch on, the stagnant monotone of the news reporter’s voice filling the room. 

“... Supergirl was found shortly afterward on the roof of L-Corp. Investigators and officers are refusing to release any other information about this case bu-“

Alex had turned off the TV, much to the relief of everyone in the room. No one wanted to hear any more.

The day passed in the blink of an eye after that for Lena. She was called into questioning, was almost mobbed by the paparazzi several times, and was then brought to the DEO, where the members of Supergirl’s team consoled her.

Alex, however, was unwilling to participate, instead making up an obvious excuse about having to train the new recruits, turning away and moving in the direction of the shooting range. 

Even when the distant sound of gunshots was heard, Lena didn’t comment, knowing that Alex was bitter and blamed Kara’s death on her. She did, too.

* * *

Two weeks later, Lena was in a whirlwind, completely unaware of everything going on around her, still mourning the death of her ex-best friend as her mental stability slowly dissolved into nothingness. Many news articles had denounced her, insulted her, but she didn’t care, she couldn’t care anymore. Everything hurt so much without Kara and the city was suffering, too.

In frustration and pain, Lena screamed, “No! You can’t do this to me, Kara! You can’t just tell me you love me and leave! You can’t just tell me and not give me the chance to say it back…” her screams softening until she was whispering, the desperation and grief heavy in her voice.

As the days bled into weeks, Lena was in the same state. Even when Alex had managed to finish mourning for her sister, Lena was still spiraling. She was in a never-ending cycle of self-hatred, self-doubt, depression, and rage. She had handed over her company to Sam in the time being, not being able to get anything done.

As she lay on her couch, downing bottle after bottle of bourbon and wine and waking up to worse and worse headaches, the memories started coming. Her head was flooded with visions of her and Kara’s first meeting, her shooting Lex to find out that Kara was Supergirl, Kara telling her and weeping, her and Kara having lunch together, her and Kara laughing, smiling, joking together. She remembered the times they’d been the closest and the times they’d been the most separated. As she sifted through her memories, she realized just how many times that Kara had accidentally let slip that she was Supergirl or when her excuses didn’t match up. Kara was never a good liar, but Lena was even worse at reading people.

As she slowly went through each and every memory, a soft smile playing on her face, she realized that she couldn’t live in a world without Kara. She would never make it. Kara was the only one who believed in her then, and now even that was gone. 

Sobbing into her couch cushions, Lena lay there for a few more minutes, allowing her to wallow in her memories before standing up with a look of resolution and determination on her face.

If Kara was brave enough to do it, so was she.

* * *

“Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp has been found dead in her apartment. Her neighbors reported a disturbance at around 1 AM and called the police to investigate. The case is still open as to what exactly happened but the investigators are leaning towards suicide as the cause of death. We will report back…” 

The news reporter’s voice faded into the background as the team stared at the screen in shock.

“They’re gone,” Alex whispered, her voice so faint that the rest of the team almost missed it.

* * *

Lena woke up surrounded by white. For a second she panicked, not able to figure out where she was until she remembered the events that had unfolded before.

She relaxed and walked forward, spotting a figure hunched over in the brightness. The figure was small, huddled in on itself, and as she got closer, her heart skipped when her eyes adjusted to allow her to see the trademark red cape. As she moved forward, her steps slowing as she approached the figure with caution, her eyes widened when she spotted the blonde locks framing the figure’s face and the blue suit. 

She looked spotless, untouched, but her position said otherwise, her figure hunched and trembling as the soft sobs made their way into Lena’s ears. 

“Kara?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena finally have a long overdue conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since so many of you guys asked for me to write in a happy ending, here it is!

_"Kara?"_

Kara looked up at Lena, her hair parting and framing her expression. She looked broken. Her eyes were red and shined with tears. There were already tear tracks tracing their way down her face and Lena felt a pang in her chest when she saw Kara's face.

"L-Lena?" Kara inquired, almost confused at her presence. She reached up to touch Lena's leg, to ensure that she was actually there. When her hand didn't go straight through, she gasped.

"Why are you here? Wait, did you-? Oh no, oh no no no _no!"_ Kara exclaimed in frustration. As she calmed down, she whispered something that Lena almost didn't hear, "Why?"

Lena sighed, sitting down beside Kara and turning so that she faced Kara directly. This was a conversation they should have had a long time ago. It was a shame that they hadn't had it when they were both still alive, but this would have to do.

"Why did _you_ do it, Kara?" she asked softly, not wanting to startle the hero.

"I asked you first," Kara retorted, but with no bite in her words.

Lena gave in. "It hurt. It hurt so much when you weren't there. Look at me, Kara," she tilted the hero's chin up so that Kara's blue eyes looked straight into hers. "It hurt so _so_ much. I didn't think it would hurt that much, Kara, but I also didn't think you loved me back," Lena said sadly.

Kara's eyes widened, "Lena-"

"No, let me finish first," Lena interrupted. "We should have talked about this earlier, you should have come to me and told me about this, Kara. I cared-care about you, too. We were both idiots for doing what we did. I'm so sorry that my first instinct was to build up my walls and pretend like I was fine. I'm so sorry that I didn't realize sooner. I'm so sorry that I pushed you away, Kara," Lena finished.

"Can I talk now?" Kara questioned gently. Lena only nodded her head slightly in response.

"I was hurt, too, Lena. Every single thing I did, everywhere I went, everything just hurt so much because it would only remind me of you. When I went to work, all I could think of were the times that we worked there as a team, the articles I wrote about you. Every time I see any sort of flower I would be reminded of the time you sent me an entire room of flowers. Even my apartment! Even when I was there, I remember the times that you would come over and the times that we had game nights there. Everywhere I went, I saw you. And I know, what I did wasn't smart or logical or rational at all, but you have to understand how much it hurt just to be alive, Lena!" Kara shouted.

"Kara-"

"No, now it's my turn, I need to get this out or I never will," Lena nodded.

"It hurt _so_ much, but I'm still sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't go to you, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about any of this, I'm sorry I never thought about talking with you about this when we were still alive, and I'm sorry that I never told you that I love you." Kara finished softly.

Lena's head jerked up at that last confession and the tears finally came. She sobbed in Kara's embrace as Kara soothed her, her hand stroking Lena's hair as she comforted her, telling her that it would all be okay.

Once Lena had finished crying, she wiped at her eyes and looked up at Kara.

"I love you, too," she whispered, soft enough that only Kara's super-hearing could have heard.

Suddenly, Lena laughed at the absurdity of it all. It had taken them this long to admit something that had been building for years, and even then, they were both dead while they did it.

Kara seemed to understand where she was coming from and chuckled as well.

"We really are idiots, aren't we?" Lena asked, her laughs turning into small hiccups.

"Yeah, but I'm your idiot now," Kara responded cheekily as she patted Lena's back comfortingly.

They both laughed in earnest this time.

"So, what now?" Lena inquired curiously.

"I'm not sure. But as long as I have you, it doesn't matter to me," Kara responded, a cheesy grin on her face.

"Only you could be that cheesy," Lena giggled as Kara stood up.

Kara reached her hand out to Lena, "Come with me?" she asked shyly.

"I'd follow you anywhere."

The two figures walked away, their hands intertwined. Two silhouettes merged into one until they disappeared into the distance. Nothing would ever separate them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I made it extra cheesy to make up for the angst in the last chapter :)
> 
> also i'm on tumblr @catargott

**Author's Note:**

> Should I make a sequel where they talk about their feelings in the white space? Maybe add a happy-ish ending? Cuz like they died but maybe they could work it out?


End file.
